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Netly News: The One True Phone



And on the 29th day of the sixth month, when the sun was at its lowest point in the sky, the Phones appeared, one after another, each in its tasteful white box without any adornment whatsoever. And the People rejoiced, for they had been waiting a long time and could wait no longer. A great unboxing occurred across the land and many two-year service contracts were entered into.

The Opinion Changers had received no review product in advance and thus despaired and called the Phone a hype and said that the battery would never last and asked what all the fuss was about anyway. But they all wanted one, and only Mossberg of the Journal got one, and pronounced it “pretty good,” which for him was a rave. And the other Opinion Changers were cast out of the Temple.

Next came the fan boys and the overweight and the incorrect wearers of patterned shirts and the others who were decried as social pariahs. To them, the faithful, the Phone was celebrated and hailed as no other Phone before it, nor any other kind of consumer electronic gear for that matter, except maybe the Tivo. And the Phone made them cool for a while, which was a miracle. “Yea, the Phone has brought peace and happiness to our lives!” wrote Gizmodo, and a record of pageviews was logged.

Then a blogger who was known as a benchmarker without peer, left the Phone on for 10 days without recharge. And still the battery showed a trickle of life. “Huzzah!” cheered the fan boys who were very impressed at this other miracle.

But soon the People became dissatisfied and a remorse of buying came down upon them like a shroud and a hat. “What is this Phone that costs $500?” they cried the first time a call was dropped. “It is a Phone like any other!”

And then the Opinion Changers, angry that they had to part with their own money, bought Phones and were even more displeased. “When you drop it on the ground, does it not break? When it falls out of your pocket into the toilet, does it not drown?” they wrote. “This typing on a screen truly blows.”

Then did the first bug reports start to appear, and the People became even more agitated and dissatisfied.

To appease the People and take advantage of the Holiday Season, the Maker brought forth a newer, waterproof model. A clever keyboard that looked like baby’s teeth was upon it, and more memory, for the same price. The original model was steeply discounted and the faithful wept. “Why hast thou forsaken us?” they wailed, and rent their inappropriate garb. But their cries went unanswered.

And the Imitators began to appear from the East and from the Land of the Finns. And the People and the Opinion Changers called the Imitator Phones not bad for the money. For they were cheap. And the Maker said to them all: “There’s just one more thing.” And promised it was the coolest thing ever, but once again, only the faithful believed.

Posted by Josh on June 19, 2007 at 4:57 AM in Apple Phone | Permalink