darkjedi
06-13-2007, 09:59 PM
After reading through all of the consumerists "confessions of a xxxxxxx wireless rep" I decided it was high time to make my own little set of confessions. It is well known the confusion and annoyance that is bred from being behind the counter working as a Retail Sales Rep in the wireless industry. Here is why:
13 Honest Confessions of a Wireless Sales Rep
13. Customer service saying you qualify for a "free phone" does NOT mean every phone is free. It means there are free phones. Just because you have selective hearing does not mean I am responsible for turning the store into your own personal flea market.
12. We are not technicians. We cannot magically fix your phone after you dropped it into the pot of coffee or my personal favorite, the toilet. It’s an electronic device; it fails sometimes, usually because you abuse it. If you hit your car ten times into a pole you’d cause real damage so use the same relationship toward your phone and pavement.
11. Getting upset at us when your phone gets suspended for non-payment is laughable. We’ll listen to what you say, ignore it while thinking that this wouldn’t have happened if you had been intelligent enough to pay the bill on time. The due date isn’t a recommendation. Neither are speed limits. See the similarity? Rest assured, after you leave we are going to make fun of you.
10. The 800 numbers we provide for you are labeled “customer service.” Not “Employee Service.” So getting mad when we say YOU have to call is unacceptable. We are not your slaves, making this phone is simple. So is learning how to turn on your phone, probably the reason you need to call in the first place.
9. Coming into the store with a written list of things you can’t figure out is a no no. These lists are the gateway to hell. We don’t want to sit and answer 125 questions about your voicemail. It sours us for the next customer. Don’t ever come in with these lists. You learned to walk; you can learn to program your mother's number.
8. Using the “I’ll go to another carrier” speech doesn’t get you any further toward your goal of a free phone. In fact, it only has two results. You are getting nothing or me offering directions to the nearest competitor.
7. The instruction manual really is helpful. You claim it’s in Chinese but I’ve read it before. It’s in English. It helps so read it again.
6. How much you pay a month is irrelevant. Trust me, I’m an employee and I pay more a month than you. I get the same deals on phones as you do and often times I get a worse deal. I’m not sympathetic just because you think you are important because your bill has an extra zero. This is a business, not a VIP lounge.
5. Just because you got something free two years ago doesn’t translate to free today. Starting a conversation with that only makes life worse for you, so if I COULD have gotten you a better deal I won’t. You were arrogant and that’s caused me to dislike you.
4. We love metaphors. Like when you say that you’ve been a customer for five years and you deserve something free. That’s really great. I’ve been grocery shopping at the supermarket for longer than you’ve had a cell phone and I still pay for my milk. See the point?
3. Bringing your “friend” who is technologically inclined is an insult. None of us wake up in the morning wanting to scam you. Bringing this “friend” makes us distrust you and less likely to offer you anything. It’s insulting to our characters.
2. Talking down to me is a surefire way for me to make random changes to your account. I was smarter than you when I woke up and I’ll be smarter than you when I go to bed. When you attempt to insult my intelligence, I laugh; then I change your rate plan to a per minute rate plan. Good luck getting that bill fixed. My attitude toward you is directly proportionate to your attitude toward me. If you’re friendly, I’m a super smart salesman, when your voice gets raised, I get incompetent.
1. We know when your phone gets wet. There is a little watermark. It doesn’t get wet when water is 75 feet away or when you leave it on the counter opposite your sink. The phone gets wet when it’s submerged in liquid. Don’t try and deny this. We have evidence; you have a story that changes after being shown your lie. Admit it and our ability to help increases ten fold.
13 Honest Confessions of a Wireless Sales Rep
13. Customer service saying you qualify for a "free phone" does NOT mean every phone is free. It means there are free phones. Just because you have selective hearing does not mean I am responsible for turning the store into your own personal flea market.
12. We are not technicians. We cannot magically fix your phone after you dropped it into the pot of coffee or my personal favorite, the toilet. It’s an electronic device; it fails sometimes, usually because you abuse it. If you hit your car ten times into a pole you’d cause real damage so use the same relationship toward your phone and pavement.
11. Getting upset at us when your phone gets suspended for non-payment is laughable. We’ll listen to what you say, ignore it while thinking that this wouldn’t have happened if you had been intelligent enough to pay the bill on time. The due date isn’t a recommendation. Neither are speed limits. See the similarity? Rest assured, after you leave we are going to make fun of you.
10. The 800 numbers we provide for you are labeled “customer service.” Not “Employee Service.” So getting mad when we say YOU have to call is unacceptable. We are not your slaves, making this phone is simple. So is learning how to turn on your phone, probably the reason you need to call in the first place.
9. Coming into the store with a written list of things you can’t figure out is a no no. These lists are the gateway to hell. We don’t want to sit and answer 125 questions about your voicemail. It sours us for the next customer. Don’t ever come in with these lists. You learned to walk; you can learn to program your mother's number.
8. Using the “I’ll go to another carrier” speech doesn’t get you any further toward your goal of a free phone. In fact, it only has two results. You are getting nothing or me offering directions to the nearest competitor.
7. The instruction manual really is helpful. You claim it’s in Chinese but I’ve read it before. It’s in English. It helps so read it again.
6. How much you pay a month is irrelevant. Trust me, I’m an employee and I pay more a month than you. I get the same deals on phones as you do and often times I get a worse deal. I’m not sympathetic just because you think you are important because your bill has an extra zero. This is a business, not a VIP lounge.
5. Just because you got something free two years ago doesn’t translate to free today. Starting a conversation with that only makes life worse for you, so if I COULD have gotten you a better deal I won’t. You were arrogant and that’s caused me to dislike you.
4. We love metaphors. Like when you say that you’ve been a customer for five years and you deserve something free. That’s really great. I’ve been grocery shopping at the supermarket for longer than you’ve had a cell phone and I still pay for my milk. See the point?
3. Bringing your “friend” who is technologically inclined is an insult. None of us wake up in the morning wanting to scam you. Bringing this “friend” makes us distrust you and less likely to offer you anything. It’s insulting to our characters.
2. Talking down to me is a surefire way for me to make random changes to your account. I was smarter than you when I woke up and I’ll be smarter than you when I go to bed. When you attempt to insult my intelligence, I laugh; then I change your rate plan to a per minute rate plan. Good luck getting that bill fixed. My attitude toward you is directly proportionate to your attitude toward me. If you’re friendly, I’m a super smart salesman, when your voice gets raised, I get incompetent.
1. We know when your phone gets wet. There is a little watermark. It doesn’t get wet when water is 75 feet away or when you leave it on the counter opposite your sink. The phone gets wet when it’s submerged in liquid. Don’t try and deny this. We have evidence; you have a story that changes after being shown your lie. Admit it and our ability to help increases ten fold.